


Sleepless Nights

by LikeWaterisWet



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Gavin Reed Bashing, Minor Violence, Other, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 13:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15316866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeWaterisWet/pseuds/LikeWaterisWet
Summary: Gavin Reed didn't think this would be the result when he went to Cyberlife all those weeks ago. He couldn't foresee the anger, the loneliness, the self hatred. Guilt is his only companion in these dark hours.This is not intended to be a Gavin redemption fic, but I think you might be able to read it as such if that's what you want it to be. This work is completely inspired by Fantismal's Sacrificial Lamb which I highly suggest, and it probably won't make sense without first reading her work.





	Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sacrificial Lamb](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15204947) by [Fantismal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantismal/pseuds/Fantismal). 



> I'm gonna put this warning here as well, this work really won't make much sense without reading Fantismal's Sacrificial Lamb. Also I hope you enjoy this Fuck Gavin Reed adventure!

  It had been a week since Fowler had sat him down and showed him the pictures of Connor in Cyberlife. As soon as he stumbled out of the office in a daze he had requested the files from Connor’s time at Cyberlife, needing to see for himself the reality of his own hatred. Seven days seemed to have passed in little more than a blink among the emptiness that had become his only companion. He had fallen into a sickening routine of stumbling home in the cover of night and sitting in the dark with the video of his time with Connor playing on repeat in the background. This night was shaping to be no different than the rest. Gavin had stayed late at the precinct, hoping that maybe if he exhausted his mind with paperwork and reports he wouldn’t end up stuck another night in the cycle of a sleepless night. Fate was not on his side it would seem. As he swung the door open to his apartment the dark wave of guilt sucked the energy from his body. He slogged through the tedious task of taking his shoes off; the oppressive weight of the darkness slowed all of his movements, making the air feel like molasses. The air in his apartment was stale, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care enough to open a window. He fell into the nearest chair at the kitchen table with all the grace of a headless chicken. Gavin rubbed his head trying to chase away the headache pounding behind his temples. The sleepless nights were starting to show all too clearly on his face, and it was doing no favors to his snappy attitude at work. He grabbed the tablet from the table where he left it this morning in his rush to get into work on time. The movements to open the camera roll were automatic at this point, a few swipes and Gavin was faced with a collection of the clips he had access to from his visit to Cyberlife. He watched intently the first time through, seeing his own movements from behind a smattering of warnings. Even though the tablet was silenced he still heard his own words of poison and hate on repeat, playing like a broken record in the silence. The words steal away into his breaths, catching every stray thought in a web of violent vitriol.

  The world faded away to a collection of buzzing noises in the background, the sound of late night cars speeding back to loved ones merged with rushing sound of his furiously pumping heart, leaving a dizzyingly heady feeling of isolation to fill Gavin’s mind in the dark kitchen. The room was lit only by the screen of the tablet gripped between his whitened knuckles. Time had faded to a secondary function behind the rushing pit in his stomach the moment he sat down at the table.His thoughts descended like vultures on the ruins of his mind. They ripped and tore apart every memory, guzzling his lifeblood of positivity and leaving behind a carcass of empty guilt with no escape. The flickering screen reflected in the dead grey of his eyes, showing flashes of splattered blue. Something in his stomach shifted at the sight of the neon blue, like it always did. A rolling self hatred nestled even deeper into his mind.

 It was well past the time of reasonable thought and it showed in the scattered remains of Gavin’s thoughts. The world was a melting pot of misery, and he was the vessel, bubbling over at the sides, overfull and yet empty of substance. Exhaustion tugged at the edges of his vision, weighing down his bones as if they were made of lead. Sleep had been an elusive mistress since the stern talking to in Fowlers office, dancing in his peripherals but never reaching out to give him the sweet kiss of dreams that he so desperately craved. She taunted him with an escape from his own hatred before she dug her fingers into his mind, sending him spiraling even further into himself, the constant loop of anger wearing him thin. There was nothing more for him here, and he was starting to realize that.

  Groaning, he mindlessly reached with his right hand to grasp at the already opened bottle of liquor resting on the table. Tossing his head back he took a deep gulp of the whiskey. Gavin dropped the tablet to the table as he slouched backwards into the uncomfortable kitchen chair. He draped his arm across his tired eyes, sighing as the darkness behind his eyelids spun. Alcohol had become a familiar friend in the aftermath, acting as both a confidant and a soothing balm, he carries the smell as a cloud even thicker than the one hanging around Hank. More often than not he ended up passed out at the table with the bottle of cheap liquor still gripped in his arms as a teddy bear. The burning in his throat chased away the shadows lingering in his eyes if only for a moment. Drunkenness felt kind of like seasickness to him now. There was none of the comfort that used to come from it. Not when he was drinking alone.

  No one at the station talked to him anymore. He didn't even get nods of recognition as he entered the precinct. It was all that plastic asshole’s fault. He seethed on every step, the hangover fueling every step towards the desks. The world was spinning too fast and all he could see was the smug face of the smiling android. This was all his fault, if he hadn’t showed up everything would have been fine. He stopped walking. It was _his_ fault. Gavin turned and rushed to the bathroom, something heavy and dark nipping at his heels. Staring into the mirror all he could see was the dark bruising beneath his eyes and the drooping emptiness of his expression. _Was this what he had become_?


End file.
